TotTP Episode 075 – Memory Foam Vagina


 

 


Episode 075 finds Daniel without his usual faithful sidekick; but joined by returning guest Erik Shaft” Johnson.

This episode would be sorely uninformed if it did not cover the recent inauguration. And, what a big inauguration it was. Between the all-white soccer mom Mormon choir, and the complete dump taken on the past presidents; President Cheetoh really triggered a lot of folks. On the bright side: the new president, and the crying liberals will make for great show content in the upcoming years.

Daniel’s dating life is remaining stagnant. His brilliant idea to stick around niche dating sites has reached a dead end. It’s hard for him to take most of the girls online seriously. He is again turning to the internet to help him discover perfect places to find girls. Since Uber has failed him, he doesn’t work at at a sex shop, he is too selfish to volunteer, and he judges every girl at a record store; his final option may be to pick up chicks t funerals. There’s no shame in his dirt bag ways. If all else fails, he can pick up a basic bitch rocking’ the Sparta scandals and the mom shorts.

Next time you go to send an emoji to a friend, be sure to check your privilege when you realize that the white (It’s actually yellow) emojis are first . . . Ashley Judd will not stand for this. She is standing up against yellow/white emoji privlege, and suggesting that black emojis be first so that white people are forced to pick. Why it matters? Well, she’s a celebrity . . . Shit gets boring.

In another part of the country, a man is being forced to pay child support on a kid that is not his. Not only is he not the father, but the father is most likely some dude that homegirl fucked behind his back! But, of course, that doesn’t matter to the American justice system.

And, of course Seattle has some fun shit going’ on! A mermaid colony has risen. A group of people are gathered together who identify as . . . mermaids. Yes, fucking mermaids! One person even quit her career to become a “full-time mermaid”. What ever floats your boat or your body . . . or your legs . . . or whatever the fuck!


Speaking of identifying, Daniel brings up another group of fuckin’ winners: The transabled. That’s right, a group of people, with perfectly abled bodies – who FEEL disabled and therefore identify as disabled. Daniel and Erik discuss how this may effect society going forward. Willl this new trend demand disability benefits. Will they be paid the benefits? How will they prove their disability?

On a lighter note . . . Satanism, better rules than traditional Christianity? Daniel and Erik compare the difference between the 7 tenets of the Church of Satan vs. the 10 Commandments. In the end, the tenets of Satanism seemed to hold up more in based on its sheer logic alone.

One thing about bringing in lists from the internet, is you always risk a flopped topic. Which brings us to Romantic Topics That Are The Worst. A very basic, generic list that basic reminds you to take anything you’ve ever seen in a romantic comedy and throw it straight out the window.


 

Dear TotT,

 

I’m a little stuck here. My girlfriend and I had sex for the first time on Christmas and it went pretty well! But things got a little weird when we started fooling around in the following days. It should be noted that she was a virgin and I hadn’t had sex in a few years, so that may contribute to all this. Basically, I had mentioned repeatedly how I wanted to go down on her but when I finally did, I had trouble. She didn’t taste or smell – BAD – necessarily; but it was strong, and about 2 seconds in, I started gagging. I grabbed a flavored condom and turned it into a dental dam. This went fine for a short while, but the thing went up my nose while I was breathing and I dropped it. I accidentally got it turned around so when I went back at it, I got her taste rather than the vanilla and gagged again. Is something wrong? Should I try something else? She did start her period about an hour later. I’m not sure what to do!

 

TotTler Ricky in Columbus, OH

 


Daniel’s word of advice, use the bottom of your tongue until the gnarly taste washes away like the Ganges River and then go to town like normal . . . unless of course she has some other kind of problem. Then you may want to back out of the Danger Zone.


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