This episode starts out with Daniel offending Cassie with her new name for the week: “Trashy” Cassie. It has been decided that her name will probably change on a weekly basis. If anyone has any suggestions for a name for an upcoming episode, feel free to let us know!
With Cassie’s sugar bear not around and Daniel just giving up, both members of our crew have gotten zero laid. This has brought Daniel to search out some – avant garde – online dating sites that may cater to his picky idiosyncrasies. Some examples he found for himself include tastebuds.fm, a dating site for music lovers. Of course, he thinks a lot of people don’t take music as seriously as he does (Of course he would!). Or, maybe Libertarian Passions would suit his fancy a little more, or he can make his own dreams come true and create a website for nerds (or geeks?) that use Linux (GHEY!).
Of course, Cassie is a little less picky about her site, but not by much. It’s agreed upon unanimously that a sugar daddy would help immensely, but if she can’t get that, she’d settle for old people, or breaking up an already failing marriage. She would also love to jump the bones of some geeks (nerds?) on a “Star Trek” dating site.
So, we know none of you sick fucks would never dream of masturbating at work. But Daniel and Cassie . . . They are not above such shenanigans. They’ll go as far as endangering the lives of their coworkers to get them some. It’s all fun and games at work till someone gets punched in the face.
On a side note, if you want to send your work nudes to the illustrious (INSERT NAME HERE) Cassie, feel free to send them, but make sure they’re at work, and use the hashtag #WorkNudes.
Tax time is upon us, and Daniel and Cassie aren’t getting as much back as they had originally planned. Taxation is theft!
I am at the end of my wits, and I need some answers. I am almost 13 and dread being a teenager because I don’t want things to be complicated. I used to have depression and felt suicidal, but I never told anybody. I eventually got over it and am now physically fine. But I’m not emotionally stable. Recently, I was told things I don’t know how to react to. Among them was, “Wow, your voice is deep,” and, “Your laugh sounds like a witch.” Most of the time I’m a happy-go-lucky person, but in the last few weeks I have been flickering from happy to sad and have no idea how I feel. It’s almost like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m wondering, is this a mental disorder? Or am I simply being silly?
– Confused Teen in the South
Daniel and Cassie continue the trend of digging deep into their cold hearts to answer the Dear Abby this week. It goes to show that maybe there is hope for them after all.
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