TotTP Episode 071 – Organic Masturbation

 


Faithful, loyal, loving, tender, gentle Daniel is joined by . . . JUST Cassie. Daniel has to pull himself together to get into the mood to podcast when he realizes he can’t put it off until the next, because he has plans with Cassie to go to a diner.

Cassie launches into a rant that smells oddly of man-hating. Apparently, all guys don’t like to commit to plans in case more enticing plans are revealed, like a female wanting to sit on your face. The two decide to roleplay (not that kind of role playing, you demented fucks) to show who cancels plans more. While Daniel feels guilt for canceling plans made a week ago, Cassie gets slightly defensive when it is brought up she has canceled plans that were in the calendar for nine months. That’s like carrying a baby for nine months then deciding you don’t want to have sex with the guy after all.

Cassie’s masturbation woes make another appearance in the form of dead batteries mid-orgasm. Just when you are five feet from the top of the mountain, life smacks you right back down to the bottom. No wonder she is in a mood, her vagina is all scratched up from having to masturbate organically.

 

#letthecumcomethrough

 

Could it be? Did Jerry and Dave from the Bad Cop Bad Cop Shop jerk each other off and sploosh in a sealed container for Cassie to shampoo her hair in? The excitement is short-lived when Cassie realizes the mixture is a condiment she despises even more than cum in the hair: mayonnaise. The wait for a cum-filled container continues. Hopefully, people will join in the #letthecumcomethrough movement so that Daniel can open a PO box.

Daniel shares news that does not help to elevate his mood. The Palomar College radio station he used to DJ at won an award and a guy he used to DJ with is about to graduate. Daniel is feeling the regret of being a community college dropout. However, the plus side to being out of school is he no longer psychoanalyzes people from his days as a psychology major… okay sometimes he still does. But, listeners can rest easy knowing they won’t run into the awkward situation of having Daniel as their therapist.

 

The sadness continues when the two discuss a cool device called The Lovely, which is a fitbit for sexy times. A device that monitors your thrusting patterns and all the calories isn’t a bad thing, what is a bad thing is realizing it is geared toward couples and you are all alone. All by myself, indeed.

 

Movers Penis:

noun

1. a scared penis that rolls into a joint out of fear of being crushed;

 

2. a button dick phenomena caused by carrying large objects.

 

Sentence:

My tact escaped me when I had to shove my hand down my pants to cure Movers Penis.

Oh my god, his movers penis looked like a little button and I lost all interest of having it jammed in my pussy.

 

Big Dick Eddie has a new nickname. Ya know, the hero that saved Cassie from a long drought of being zero laid? He has become the Sugar Bear to her Mama June. But could Daniel have unintentionally caused trouble in paradise when he tainted Cassie’s loins, mere minutes before Eddie showed up? Hey Eddie, how did Daniel’s dick taste?

In the past, TotTlers learned the 43 questions women always wanted to ask guys. This week, Cassie stands in for all women to attempt the answer the 41 questions men want to know about women. Does having a pussy feel like warm, banana pudding? Do you women think their vagina’s look weird? How hot does a guy need to be until a woman cares about his personality? Is a man in uniform a turn on? Daniel helps in answering the ultimate question in how to get pussy, let’s just say a high percentage of women can be humored to the sack through personality alone.


 

Dear Abby,
I am a bi-sexual woman currently married to a man, but previously married to a woman. I love my husband, but I am still highly attracted to women and my husband is neither open to a threesome, or okay with my sexuality. Is it okay that while we have sex, I sometimes picture him as a woman with a strap on?

 


Finally, someone asking for advice who actually communicated with their partner beforehand. Cassie shares her own past experience as a bi-sexual woman in a monogamous relationship. Daniel, in a surprising twist, admits that while he has had relationships with bi-sexual women in the past, he could not marry someone who would need to get sex elsewhere. He has already done the whole threesome and other bullshit, and doesn’t want to feel as though he is taking something away from another person.

 


 

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