Episode 057 – Fuckin’ the Bucket
This week, Daniel and Kinky Cassie find themselves doing the podcast extremely late at night without much caffeine or real stimulants to fuel them.
Daniel relays his moments of starstruck awe as he recounts the events of the lunch he had with Leo and Kitty from the Afterburn739 podcast. This meeting revamped his motivation to do work on his podcast. The question is: Did they fangirl as much over Daniel as he did over them? He is a hot commodity nowadays making guest Skype appearances. Cassie notices the past few months, Daniel is more excitable when it comes to all things podcasting. Daniel has drunken the blood of an ambitious man -err person, and we are all the better for it.
Things are not looking good for the Cincinnati Zoo over the whole Harambe situation that occured in May. Since the incident, all of The Zoo’s tweets – from the price of tickets, to facts about turtles – have been met with the harsh ambush of internet trolls. This backlash has forced the zoo to shut down their social media pages. The Harambe meme overload is entertaining Daniel. Maybe even Cassie will join the #ClamsOutForHarambe movement.
In other news, in case you were starting to lose hope in the millennial generation, well here is more rain on your parade. Daniel brings up the topic of people dying due to an intake heroin laced with elephant tranquilizers. This raises the question that marketing directors should really think about regarding the act of actually “selling” drugs. Cassie and Daniel offer various sale pitches on why drugs are good for you.
Bye Felipe! Guys, ever wonder how the ladies figure out you are a playa with no game plan? Well, these fifteen red flags should offer some insight. In the process of running the red flags past Cassie, listeners got an intimate view into Daniel’s sex life. What are his favorite positions? Does he enjoy deep throat (The jury’s still out on whether he’ll give it. Fuckin’ FAG!)? Cassie asks the ultimate question, does Daniel really even enjoy sex? (Mind blown). Cassie believes if uptight Daniel would allow his pucker string to fall out and actually take it easy, he may actually enjoy himself.
After the break, Daniel praises Cassie on her use of legitimate show prep with her game: “Real, Real Bullshit.” She reads Daniel 3 news articles, and he must guess which one is made up. However, these aren’t just any stories; we are talking taxidermy piggy banks, lovers waterboarding, and blow jobs from dogs.
Did you just assume my gender? The show would not be complete without more commentary on the gender phenomena. Princeton has released a pamphlet on how everyone can adopt a more “gender-inclusive” vocabulary. If you are confused on what a gender-inclusive vocabulary is, well I am sorry to say you are probably a white, privileged, cis-gendered, middle-classed misogynist asshole like most of us who have been using an outdated, archaeic sexist terminology. Daniel and Cassie go over the listed terms, while of course offering their take on their lack of real humanity.
My current boyfriend and I have been having sex since I was 8, and now I am 18 and I feel I can’t stop. I can’t seem to control my sexual urges, but my boyfriend obviously should care enough about me to control his. Any advice?
Cassie and Daniel decide to help the sexually misguided soul; or – according to Cassie – another weak ass bitch who needs to “person” up and talk about their feelings. Daniel is intrigued by all the unanswered questions stemming from this week’s dear Abby. How old was the boyfriend? Do people really start having sex at 8? Cassie hints she may be a sex addict like a certain “someone” she knows.
This week’s podcast:
Faces and Aces LV
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— ToeOnTheTrigger (@ToeOnTheTrigger) August 30, 2016
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