Episode 055 – DerpWizard and the Millennial Falcon
Cassie starts out the show hot and heavy with her qualms with the new Star Trek movie. Cassie the Trekkie gives her review on the newest movie, and gives it a “Dog Shit” rating on the TotT rating scale. She also manages to throw any of our nerd community into a triggered frenzy with her talk of “Star Rawrs” and the “Millennial Falcon.” She also wants to point out that the original series is where it’s at. The bottom line, the new movie strays from the original. Even Chris Pine says, America cannot handle a smart Star Trek.
Any person who has ever uttered the phrase, “Scumbag Daniel”, be prepared to get a dose of Good Guy Daniel (with a hint of douche bag). Daniel decides to come clean after being caught in a recent lie on the show. He revisits the flowers he claims he bought from the bottom of his heart for his ex-girlfriend. It turns out, he left out one minor detail . . .
After the break, Daniel and Cassie again show the entertainment value in reading online dating profiles. Hopefully all the geeks listening to the Star Trek review did not disperse, because we found them a gamer cutie by the name of “DerpWizard.” Low maintenance is key with this woman, she does not need long walks on the beach due to the fact it may set off her PTSD, GAD, or Rapid Cycling Bipolar. For those already dying to marry this lovely lady- too bad, she is not of this world and is only looking for friends. Bummer.
For people looking for human friends here on earth, Cassie is in the same boat as Daniel after jumping off a roller coaster with a couple people in her life. Both Cassie and Daniel are convinced that without each other’s friendships, they would just die alone. There is hope for Cassie, as she discusses nursing a friendship with Sir Big Cock, her ongoing fuck buddy; which asks the question: What do you get a fuck buddy for their birthday? Maybe a teddy bear resembling that person’s favorite Star Trek Character?
After the break, Daniel introduces a game called “Misheard Lyrics.” He plays a clip for Cassie, who then tries to guess what the singer is saying in the song. He follows up each song clip with the laughable guesses of the American Public, proving wax buildup is real and we all need to clean out our fucking ears. Cassie essentially shocks Daniel by knocking a few out of the studio. Go Cassie! Side note, can someone please write a song with the lyrics- “My anus where your face is” ?
How can I get my husband of 20 years on the dude train? I have a gay buddy he disapproves of, but doesn’t everyone need a gay best friend in order to not kill yourself in today’s world? Please give me the not so fabulous truth.
Signed- Wife and Friend
Daniel and Cassie go back and forth over why a couple of 20 years is having such a bullshit problem. Insecure guys can be the worst. Grow some balls and get over your own insecure bullshit. Daniel does admit to being threatened by best guy friends of girls he has dated in the past, even though he may be that guy for his side kick.
Daniel and Cassie end the show with the profiles of two psychos: one from Team Trump, and one Team Jesus. The first story is about the guy who recently tried to climb Trump Tower in order to get the attention of the presidential candidate. Have you seen that tower? It’s YUGE! Finally, the Nebraska woman who wants to – on behalf of God and his Son, Jesus Christ – sue all homosexuals. Good luck with that!
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